(4 out of 5 hot dogs)

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Brick Lane Curry House Too
235 E 53^rd (2^nd and 3^rd)
Time: Everyday, 11-4
Price: Curry, appetizer, samosa, rice, naan, dessert, $10

One pleasant afternoon, I ordered the Brick Lane lunch special to-go, and brought my meal out to a bench on the East River, so that while I contemplated the curious spices of India, I was able to enjoy peaceful views of oily seagulls perched on tires, and the owners of Peking Dragon China House fishing for their nightly special (I’ll blog about that later!)  A boat passed, and was it just my imagination, or did I hear gunshots?  And I could have sworn I saw two Russians dump a body overboard before paddling away, but alas I was too engrossed in the texture of my paneer to know for sure.  How does it stay solid on my fork but then melt so perfectly in my mouth?  My curry was gone, so were the Russians, and anyway dark clouds were beginning to roll in from the north.  I stood up, glanced at the river one last time and let out a deep deep sigh.  And I thought to myself, Life is Good.

Aside from their feast of a lunch special, Brick Lane is also home to the infamous Man vs Food challenge, “The Phaal,” apparently one of the spiciest curries in the world.  If you manage to finish, you get a beer, an official certificate, and your picture on their website- woop woop!

(3 out of 5 hot dogs)

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Azuki Sushi
239 Park (19^th and 20^th)
Time: All the time
Price: Spend $20 on sushi, mystery wine and sake involved

Azuki is your average sushi restaurant, nestled in between the much better Sushi Samba and Haru.  To step up the competition, they added alcohol to the equation.  Apparently they used to have unlimited house white wine and sake with every meal, but now they’ve cracked down on the rules, and it’s much more confusing than that.  It’s something like, if you spend $15, you get a serving of sake but no wine, or if you spend $20 you get wine, but only two glasses, or sake, but only one, but maybe they’ll give you two, but maybe not, or if you ask for another glass of wine they might charge you, but if you complain they might take it off the bill, but maybe not, and really who knows…drunken sushi is too true and pure an ideal to be tarnished with all these rules and regulations!  In the future I’m sticking with the shitshow-wonderland-drunken-sushi-palace that is New Ashiya.

(3 out of 5 hot dogs)

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Urban Lobster Shack
805 3^rd Ave (at 49^th)
Time: All the time
Price: lobster roll, coleslaw and salad, $10

Urban Lobster Shack is located in a secret underground food-court.   It’s sort of a lunch-speakeasy for people who have boring office jobs in midtown.   When you enter the discreet office building location, a security guard gives you the evil eye as you turn left and go down an escalator into the seedy underbelly of Manhattan.  The “Shack” is less of a shack, and more of a kiosk that could easily be converted to hawk bedazzled cell phone cases during other business hours.  The lobster roll is tasty, although it fills you up only about as much as a hotdog (coulda eaten 3 of ‘em). The side salad and a mini-cup of coleslaw are fine too, but don’t do much to curb that terrible hunger that is slowly, minute by minute, engorging my body and soul.

(0 out of 5 hot dogs)

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Dear Readers,

I’ve been insanely busy producing BJ: A MUSICAL ROMP and haven’t had time to go out to eat, let alone write about it!  But I promise, I will be back in July with some amazing all-you-can-eat specials.  But in the meantime, I am hosting a fundraise for BJ and the Organic Consumer’s Association:

Thursday, June 9
Open Bar, 8pm-11pm
Pat O’Briens
1701 2nd Ave (at 88th)

We’ve rented out the back room of Pat O’Brien’s, and will have our own private bar and 3 beer-pong tables.  $35 will get you 3 hours of unlimited draft beer, well drinks and as much beer pong as you can play!  Bring friends and come on time to maximize your drinking and support a good cause

Sincerely, Peter

(3 out of 5 hot dogs)

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Sixth Ward
191 Orchard (Houston and Stanton)
Time: Saturday and Sunday, 11-4
Price: 14.95 entrée and unlimited mimosas

Spring is here!  And with it come flip-flops, a freakshow aka the Easter Parade (nothing like the Judy Garland movie/ rather tourists taking pictures of homeless people dressed up as bunnies), and drunches!   So on the first nice weekend of the year, I headed down to the Sixth Ward for a boozie brunch to enjoy the weather in their outdoor garden.  In Manhattan, anything outdoor constitutes a garden, but this was definitely more alley than garden, with only a slightly less chance of being assaulted.  I ordered an omelet with mushrooms and cheese that came with a meager portion of home fries.  The mimosas were nothing to write home about, but since this is my blog, I’ll write all about it!  I had an exclusive interview with the house mixologist, and was able to get the (previously unreleased) recipe, which I will share with you!

6^th Ward Secret Mimosa Recipe*
1 gallon orange juice
1 bottle cheap champagne
1.5-2 gallons dishwater

*Mix at least 2 days in advance, and let it sit out so champagne has sufficient time to flatten.

And with that, my quest for the best NYC drunch plows onward.  So, this weekend, when you are drinking as many watered-down mimosas as possible before your server cuts you off, look up at the sun, and know that I am looking up at that same sun, drinking the same mimosa, and thinking of you

(0 out of 5 hot dogs)

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2nd Annual Curry Eating Championship
273 W 38th (7th and 8th)
Qualifying Rounds: April 15-May 20
Final Round: June 5, 5:00pm

I’m having hot flashes just writing about this.   Go! Go! Curry is hosting a competition to see who can eat the most Japanese curry rice in the shortest time.  In the preliminary round, you’ll have to eat two plates (24 oz).  If you are among the top six finishers overall, you’ll get to compete in the final round against the likes of the Mouth of the South, Dark Horse and Porkslap to see who can eat the most curry in twenty minutes.  So, if you don’t already feel like vomiting, check out the promotional video, and watch as curry slops all over the trucker beards that adorn the competitors (another unspoken requirement.)

(3 out of 5 hot dogs)

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Sushi Lounge
132 St Marks (at A)
Time: Forever and ever
Price: 50% off sushi

At Sushi Lounge they have 50% off sushi all the time. Not just happy hour, and not just at lunch, but ALL THE TIME.  That means, their menu prices are just double the actual price that they charge.  Hmmm.  That’s about as logical as ordering a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  Hold the peanut butter.  And Jelly.  And Bread.  Or advertising free air.  To be fair though, their prices are really cheap.  Half off a $4 tuna roll is $2, and half off an $8.25 shrimp tempura roll is $4.12½  (you can pay the half-cent in yen.)  But I guess saying 50% off is a better marketing technique than saying DIRT CHEAP sushi.  So ridiculously cheap that you should be concerned.  With all these thoughts running through my head, I avoided the half-off-fish, and went with a vegetarian lunch special to-go ($7.95 available until 4pm), that included veggie tempura, rice, some gross seaweed stuff, a cucumber-avocado roll, miso soup and a salad served in coffee cups.  It was a gorgeous day outside, and I ate my lunch in Tompkins Square Park with the cracked-out bums, drank miso out of a cup, and contemplated what 50% of 50% of 50% of 50% was.

(0 out of 5 hot dogs)

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Well, it’s that time of the year that ITJS is taking its official Spring Break.  I’m off to Barcelona and the Principality of Andorra for a week!  But don’t be jealous, it’s not all wet t-shirt contests and fruity drinks with the little umbrellas; I will be hard at work doing field research to uncover the best and the cheapest meals that Spain has to offer.   See you in April along with 50% off Sushi and an unlimited mimosa brunch!

(5 out of 5 hot dogs)

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Rhong Tiam
87 2^nd Ave (at 5^th)
Time: Weekdays 12-4
Price: Entrée, rice, salad, spring roll, $5

To appease my recent craving for Thai food, I stopped by Rhong Tiam (formerly Curve), which happens to be two doors down from another great Thai lunch special. Apparently it has a Michelin Star (almost as prestigious as 5 hotdogs rating).  The design of the restaurant involves hot pink walls, TV mirrors, and a giant bouquet of fake flowers (I checked).  At night, it all looks fun and sassy, but during the day it looks like a once-glorious-but-now-run-down-since-Suki-Suki-Chai-Chai-the-star-hoooker-caught-the-clap-Thai-brothel.  I ordered the drunken noodle, because I liked the name.  And also so I could showcase my talent of making drunk faces when completely sober.  It was delicious, and the fried tofu was crispy and perfect.   All hooker jokes aside, this is one of the best lunch specials I’ve had in the city.  Good time five dollah!

(0 out of 5 hot dogs)

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Top o’ the Mornin’!  Still no plan’s for St. Pattie’s Day?  Better than a pot of gold is NYC Daily Deals’ list of the cheapest places to drink Guinness and Jameson and green beer!