(4 out of 5 hot dogs)

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Les Sans Culottes
1085 2nd Avenue (at 57th)
Time: Monday through Saturday 5-11, Sunday 4-10
Price: Prix Fixe dinner/ sausage overload, $25

Or are you just happy to see me? This unassuming little French restaurant turns out to be what one would call a festival of sausages. A sausage fest if you will. And I will. It seems hardly a coincidence that its name directly translates to “Without Pants.” Although don’t take your pants off, or they will call in security (so I’ve heard.) Each table is presented with what can only be described as a ‘Tree of Sausages,’ which I attacked ferociously while Mim cheered me on (See: Left.) Along with the links, each table is bizarrely brought a basket of fresh produce (whole green peppers, tomatoes, cantaloupe, etc.), pâté and rolls, pickles and house dressing, for your engorging pleasure all before even getting to the main course. For my entrée, I munched the mussels in cream sauce (That’s what she said.) They were served in a heaping bowl, a portion that could only be described as ‘hugantic.’ For the desert I had the house crepe with ice cream and chocolate, which was pretty stellar.  Be sure to slip the remaining sausages in your man-purse, up your sleeve, and in your pockets for a free breakfast the next day!

(4 out of 5 hot dogs)

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Chelsea Brewing Company
59 Chelsea Piers (At w20th)
Time: Saturdays
Price: Free tour and beer samples, $3 pints.

On most Saturdays, Chelsea Brewing Company, Manhattan’s only operating brewery, gives free tours. I recently took a tour led by Ian, whose position is, no joke, ‘Beer Ambassador.’ I’ve at different points in my life considered myself a whiskey ambassador, a boxed wine ambassador, and once when I was a young lad even a Smirnoff ice ambassador. But I had no idea that you could get paid for this. (Wheels turning/ reassessing my career path.) On the tour you learn all sorts of useful information, how beer is made, ales vs. lagers, blah blah blah. More importantly, you learn what it is like to taste freshly brewed beer, which is pretty amazing. Also at the end the tour, you get a stack of tickets for half-off all pints (which come to $3). They have an outdoor deck right on the water, which is spectacular during the summer. Apparently their lease is up in the next couple years, so go enjoy the only beer brewed on this little island of ours while you can!

(2 out of 5 hot dogs)

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Vero
1004 2nd Avenue (53rd and 54th)
1483 2nd Avenue (77th and 78th)
Time: All day Monday
Price: Free panini with any drink, $11ish

Wine Bar: a bar that serves wine. Sounds like somewhere I would want to be. But to tell the truth, I would much rather drink a $3 bottle of Trader Joe’s wine, sprawled out watching last week’s ‘Intervention’ on DVR than play $12 for a glass at a stuffy Upper East Side establishment. Basically, you’re going to have to kick it up a notch if you want to get me into a wine bar. Enter ‘Free Food.’ At Vero on Mondays, you get a complimentary panini. I chose the Spicy Passion Fruit Margarita, made with jalapeno-infused house tequila. I ignored both the ‘Spicy’ on the menu, and the waitress’ warning, and ended up complaining about how spicy it was the whole time. However, there was an extensive list of wines, sangrias and martinis that I am sure I would have enjoyed way more. I ordered the spinach panini with olives, fontina and cumin aioli. The flavors were fine, but it was pretty small and unsatisfying. And there is a strictly enforced ‘one panini per customer’ rule, so don’t get any fancy ideas. All in all, I’d say if you’re in search of a wine bar on a Monday evening, knock yourself out with that free panini. But as for me, I’ll stick with my two-buck chuck.

(5 out of 5 hot dogs)

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Calle Ocho
446 Columbus (81st and 82nd)
Time: Saturday 12-3, Sunday 12-4
Price: $12ish, bread, entrée and unlimited sangria

While brunch in some cultures means a coming together of breakfast and lunch, brunch in New York means the coming together of booze and even more booze. And the brunch at Calle Ocho is no exception to this. In the spacious dining area, there is a full buffet of red and white sangria options for your guzzling pleasure, including ‘Tropical’ (my favorite), Spanish Harlem (tastes like murder), and Mojito (basically pure liquor for all you NYC alcoholics). Oh yeah, and there’s food too. Brunch includes a breadbasket of soft rolls with strawberry cream cheese, and an entrée of your choosing from a menu of comestible Cuban cuisine. I’ve sampled the classic Pollo Ranchero and the Cuban sandwich, both of which tasted incredible. Or was it just the sangria? The world may never know.