(5 out of 5 hot dogs)

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New Ashiya
167 1st Ave (at 10th Street)
Time: All the time
Price: $30 unlimited sushi, sake and beer

I have found El Dorado. You may have heard legends of the all-you-can-eat-and-drink-sushi fountain of youth, and here it is: your treasure map on ITJS. For real. Boundless spicy tuna, shrimp tempura and dragon rolls flowing forth in golden streams of cold beer and hot sake springs. With an extensive sushi menu and the fixings for limitless sake-bombs, this is truly an oasis in a desert of over-priced/non-satisfying sushi venues populating the city. You have two hours, which is plenty of time to consume at least $200 of food and drinks. Expect at least three overzealous diners to vomit during your stay, so pace yourself! You might feel horrible after coming here; you might want to take a fork and dig out your own intestines, but in the best way possible, I assure you.

(4 out of 5 hot dogs)

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Crocodile Lounge
325 E. 14th Street (Between 1st and 2nd)
Time: All the time
Price: Free Pizza, $3 Drinks during happy hour.

The sister bar of Alligator Lounge in Williamsburg, this NYU hangout gives you a free 10-inch pizza with every drink you buy. They also have ski-ball, games and a photo booth in the back. Overall, a fun place to chill with pizza and beer during the day, especially during happy hour from noon to 6pm where Yuenglings and well-drinks are $3, and still come with free pizza. The only drawback is that it gets absurdly crowded at night, so come early before the hoards of students.

(5 out of 5 hot dogs)

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Sunburnt Cow
137 Avenue C (at 9th St.)
Time: Sunday Dinner 4pm-Close
Price: $10 Counter Meal, $4 Cocktails

Crikey! You’d let the sexy Australian staff at this cow-printed billabong put their shrimp on your barbie, if you know what I mean… This crimson-pigmented bovine features an unbelievable $10 counter-meal (appetizer, entrée, dessert) every Sunday. Appetizer standards include the fried calamari and the green salad. Entrees are anything from a lamb-burger to barramundi to classic bangers ‘n mash. On top of that, cocktails are only $4, and so delicious that they will make you forget Nicole Kidman’s plastic surgery-gone-wrong.  It’s a cozy and hip hangout for sheilas and sheepshaggers alike.

(5 out of 5 hot dogs)

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Milon (up and to the left)
93 First Avenue (between 5th and 6th street)
Time: Every day 12:00 PM – 4:00 PM
Price: Your dreams come true, $5.95

This is one of four almost identical restaurants all located at the same address, each with hosts trying to convince to come to theirs. If you go any night of the week, this building is a crowded bring-your-own-liquor hullabaloo. Each has a cluster-fudge of decorations including crazy hot pepper Christmas lights, Sponge Bob ornaments and giant lizards. At each, there is cheap and tasty cuisine. At each restaurant, a server might randomly turn off the lights, turn on a disco ball and sing you a happy birthday song and bring you mango ice cream. What makes Milon different? It is upstairs and to the left, and that makes all the difference. Although is this a fun and raucous evening affair, if you are looking for something more quiet, come for the incomparable lunch special. It comes with papadum and dipping sauces, naan, rice, soup, cabbage, an appetizer (samosa or vegetable dumpling), and your choice of entrée (chicken, lamb, beef and vegetable with curry masala, kurma masala or tandoori sauces.) And on top of that, they give you a dollop of their signature mango ice cream for desert. AND all of that for $5.95. Although you definitely need to experience Milon at night, come by and take advantage of this unbeatable lunch special.

(5 out of 5 hot dogs)

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Thailand Café
95 2nd Ave, (Below 6th St.)
Time: Everyday Noon- 3:30
Price: Vegetable or Tofu, $6.00
Chicken, Beef or Pork, $7.00
Shrimp, Vegetarian Duck, $8.00

The Thailand Café is a cute, cheap and delicious must-lunch locale. The lunch special comes with unlimited hot tea, and appetizer and entrée of your choice. I have tried all most everything on the menu, and they are all great. Appetizers include amazing Thai wings, fried tofu, salad, and others. Entrees include a long list of curries, pad Thai and other Thai classics, all satisfying. My favorite is the massamun, a milky and spicy coconut curry. A matron-type (pictured to the side), who I take to be the owner, oversees the restaurant like a hawk, and always appears seconds away performing some form of painful and/or sexually-humiliating Thai torture on the customers in the back room if they are not enjoying the meal (luckily not a problem.)

(1 out of 5 hot dogs)

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Ogawa Café
36 E 4th St. (Between Bowery and Lafayette)
Time: Everyday, 11:30 am- 3:30 pm
Price: Two sushi rolls, $7.25
Three sushi rolls, $9.75
Lunch Box Special, $8.60

My first time, (Yes, I went more then once) I had intended for the usual sushi lunch special. However, the description and the sheer magnitude of the ‘lunch box special” was so impressive, that I had no other choice to order it. It comes with a soup, salad, rice, 3 fried shumai, four pieces of California roll and an entrée of your choice. What they don’t tell you is that is inedible in every possible way. And when I say inedible, I mean that I actually could not eat it. For my entrée, I decided to be gutsy, and go with the Tofu Teriyaki. What they served was a moist lukewarm chunk of tofu covering in this layer of gummy “teriyaki.” I would not call myself fluent with chopsticks, but I am at least conversational. And I kept attempting to pick up parts of the tofu, and it would fall and slip from my grasp. Even when I switched to the fork, I was unable to get it on the fork and into my mouth. I finally used my hands, and I shouldn’t have even bothered, it was so heinous. The other components were equally below average and unappetizing. A month later, I was in the neighborhood, and decided to give Ogawa a second chance, and this time just stick with the sushi lunch. Three sushi rolls for $9.75. I ordered salmon avocado, philly and yellowtail rolls. The salmon and avocado was warm and mushy. The philly roll was dominated by dollar-store cream cheese that had been sitting in the freezer for years. The yellowtail was too fishy, and I imagined myself slowly getting food poisoning as I ate the meal, and dreaded becoming a human party favor (stuff coming out of both ends). The cherry on the top of the afternoon, actually both times, I got the bill, the sales tax seemed to be over three times what it should be, and the server conveniently didn’t speak English when I asked them about it. Fortunately, I did not spend that evening on the toilet, but I would never go back for a strike three, or recommend that you do so, unless it’s an April Fool’s prank or you need the ideal location to break up with your girlfriend.