(4 out of 5 hot dogs)

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Les Sans Culottes
1085 2nd Avenue (at 57th)
Time: Monday through Saturday 5-11, Sunday 4-10
Price: Prix Fixe dinner/ sausage overload, $25

Or are you just happy to see me? This unassuming little French restaurant turns out to be what one would call a festival of sausages. A sausage fest if you will. And I will. It seems hardly a coincidence that its name directly translates to “Without Pants.” Although don’t take your pants off, or they will call in security (so I’ve heard.) Each table is presented with what can only be described as a ‘Tree of Sausages,’ which I attacked ferociously while Mim cheered me on (See: Left.) Along with the links, each table is bizarrely brought a basket of fresh produce (whole green peppers, tomatoes, cantaloupe, etc.), pâté and rolls, pickles and house dressing, for your engorging pleasure all before even getting to the main course. For my entrée, I munched the mussels in cream sauce (That’s what she said.) They were served in a heaping bowl, a portion that could only be described as ‘hugantic.’ For the desert I had the house crepe with ice cream and chocolate, which was pretty stellar.  Be sure to slip the remaining sausages in your man-purse, up your sleeve, and in your pockets for a free breakfast the next day!

(2 out of 5 hot dogs)

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Vero
1004 2nd Avenue (53rd and 54th)
1483 2nd Avenue (77th and 78th)
Time: All day Monday
Price: Free panini with any drink, $11ish

Wine Bar: a bar that serves wine. Sounds like somewhere I would want to be. But to tell the truth, I would much rather drink a $3 bottle of Trader Joe’s wine, sprawled out watching last week’s ‘Intervention’ on DVR than play $12 for a glass at a stuffy Upper East Side establishment. Basically, you’re going to have to kick it up a notch if you want to get me into a wine bar. Enter ‘Free Food.’ At Vero on Mondays, you get a complimentary panini. I chose the Spicy Passion Fruit Margarita, made with jalapeno-infused house tequila. I ignored both the ‘Spicy’ on the menu, and the waitress’ warning, and ended up complaining about how spicy it was the whole time. However, there was an extensive list of wines, sangrias and martinis that I am sure I would have enjoyed way more. I ordered the spinach panini with olives, fontina and cumin aioli. The flavors were fine, but it was pretty small and unsatisfying. And there is a strictly enforced ‘one panini per customer’ rule, so don’t get any fancy ideas. All in all, I’d say if you’re in search of a wine bar on a Monday evening, knock yourself out with that free panini. But as for me, I’ll stick with my two-buck chuck.