Beer Pong and Blow Jobs
Friday, June 4th, 2010
(0 out of 5 hot dogs)
Loading ...Dear Readers,
I’ve been insanely busy producing BJ: A MUSICAL ROMP and haven’t had time to go out to eat, let alone write about it! But I promise, I will be back in July with some amazing all-you-can-eat specials. But in the meantime, I am hosting a fundraise for BJ and the Organic Consumer’s Association:
Thursday, June 9
Open Bar, 8pm-11pm
Pat O’Briens
1701 2nd Ave (at 88th)
We’ve rented out the back room of Pat O’Brien’s, and will have our own private bar and 3 beer-pong tables. $35 will get you 3 hours of unlimited draft beer, well drinks and as much beer pong as you can play! Bring friends and come on time to maximize your drinking and support a good cause
Sincerely, Peter
I was heading home, minding my own business, when I tripped on an uneven piece of sidewalk, and ended up at the Stumble Inn. But this was no ordinary piece of cement; it was a magical sidewalk that transported me to a bizarre Twilight Zone where I was trapped in a straight-to-DVD National Lampoon’s movie and couldn’t get out. There were greasy nachos, $1 beers, and a party playlist to rival the frattiest frat house. I went to use the restroom in the basement, and the Women’s Room door was propped open, and I saw two girls without their tops on, adjusting each other’s bras for maximum cleavage. In the Men’s Room someone had spilled chili all over the floor and toilet seat. At least I hope it was chili… Back upstairs, my friends were challenged at beer pong by a wicked cheating French team. But in the end, the good guys won, and I can only imagine that the pompous pair was so ashamed that they took the next flight back to Charles De Gaulle. Upon exiting, the outside world was drab and drizzly in comparison, and I went into a deep depression. If one dark night you go walking on 76th Street, and you stumble on a slanted sidewalk, you too might be lucky enough to visit this Brigadoon of the Upper East Side.
I have had a few crushing disappointments in my life; once a friend pulled the tag off Humprey, my camel Beanie Baby, making it virtuously worthless, and another time Marissa Cooper got in a car accident and died on The O.C., only to return once or twice in ghost/flashback-form. My experience at Wicker Park is right up there with those horrible defeats. After hearing about Wicker’s all-you-can-drink dinner, I was fully expecting to have a great hump day, dish out four or five hotdogs, and share an amazing special with my loyal readers. However, things were rocky from the beginning. The menu was very limited and the waitress refused to make any substitutions for me and my vegetarian date (even refusing to replace a steak with a side salad…) On top of that, service was slow, we had to wait over twenty minutes in between wine refills. In AYCD situations, I’m not picky about mediocre food, lack of ambience, or the abundance of fratty douchebags. I’m there to drink as much as possible in the allotted time and fully capitalize on my $25. But after three of four glasses (we hadn’t even finished our entrees yet), our server told us that we had been there too long, and wouldn’t give us any more wine. The NERVE. It occurred to me that this restaurant shares its’ name with that God-awful Josh Hartnett movie. In both cases, I would forego Wicker Park, stay in with a bottle of Trader Joe’s wine and watch 40 Days and 40 Nights.
Remember when “Snow Day” used to mean- hot cocoa, sledding and snow-ball fights? Now that we’re all growed up we know the real meaning- start drinking earlier. Last week’s blizzard was the perfect chance to hit up happy hours that normally you’d “flake” out on. I had the margarita, knowing well that the tequila would keep me toasty in the wet/bitter/cold that was last Wednesday. It was great for $2, although a little sickeningly sweet by the bottom. The appetizers were deep-fried delights; I tried the frickles (fried pickles with horseradish sauce) and onion straws (pictured above), which were both about $4 at the half-off bar price. Brother Jimmy’s also has a load of other deals, including all-you-can-eat bbq, ladies night, and Southern ID discounts depending on which night you saddle up! Hit it up today, or wait for the next snow day (tomorrow?)
With six locations, unlimited drinks, unlimited chips and salsa, all for the same price as a movie ticket, this is my go-to drunch in NYC (drunk + brunch = drunch). The adorable little stuffed monkey decorations throughout the restaurant somehow makes it okay that you are getting sloshed on Sunday and it’s not even noon. Good news: Blockheads also has a lunch special during the week (Chips, Soda, and entrée for $9). Better news: $3 frozen margaritas ALL DAY EVERY DAY. They don’t take reservations, but despite the amazing-ness of this special, I have never had to wait for a table. The waiters here are really nice too; they even came up with a nickname for my table, “los borrachos.” I’m not sure what it means, but I like the way they roll the ‘R’s!’ The weekend is approaching, I suggest you hop on Google Maps and figure out the Blockheads that is closest to your apartment (or the apartment of your co-worker who is pretty hot, but really annoying, but you’ll probably hook up with anyway after the Holiday Party).
I was walking home, and had a flash-craving for Japanese food, so I popped into Bamboo, the nearest sushi bar, and picked up a Bento Box to go. I’m a fan of bento boxes, because they come with so much different stuff in them that you can never get bored. CELEB ALERET! CELEB ALERT! After exiting the restaurant, who should I pass on the street but the Fabric Heiress herself, Ally Zarin of Real Housewives of NYC fame. It didn’t appear that she was going to Bamboo, but I couldn’t tell. Maybe Jill and Bobby put her on a budget, and she is forced to live on meager lunch specials before being shipped off to Martha’s Vineyard to “detox.” Anyway, I got tofu teriyaki, and it came with all that stuff pictured to the left. It tasted good and I felt great, but it may have just been the post-celeb-sighting-afterglow.
After the rum incident last meal, Mim and I decided to keep it classy with a lunch special sans booze. JoJo (pronounced with a refined soft ‘J’) was crowded because of Veteran’s Day, and all the people with real jobs had the day off and apparently wanted to go out to lunch too. Lame. But the hostess was sweet, and was able to seat me and my nearing-95-year-old-dining-companion in two minutes despite our lack of reservation. The meal began the best way possible: with a basket of warm, toasty bread. My first course was shrimp steamed on a mesclun salad with button mushrooms. It was delightful. My second dish, salmon with truffled mashed potatoes and brussel sprouts was good as well. I then excused myself to use the restroom, but Mim informed me that in her time it was much too vulgar to say so. She always says “I need to go check on the girls.” So after I checked on the boys, our dessert was served, for which we both had the warm chocolate cake with ice cream. Spectacular start to finish. Take advantage of Jean Georges’ Autumn Promotion, a top-notch $26 lunch available at all of his restaurants in NYC!
I’m a superfan of all-you-can-eat meal deals, as you can imagine. And Dakshin does not disappoint. With several different dishes: chicken, lamb, potatoes and veggies all with different sauces and curries, it’s yummy in da tummy. The quality is what one would expect with an Indian buffet, but the quantity is what’s important. Unlimited. And that goes for the naan and rice, and all the chutneys as well. You’ll eat so much that curry will be seeping through your pores for a week. You’ll eat so much it would make Ghandi blush. You’ll eat so much that strangers will come up and rub your Buddha belly for good luck. So hop on your elephant, and ride over to one of the three NYC locations! (P.S.- I’ve dined here several times, but never had my camera. So I popped in today and took a picture, causing quite a stir among the staff and the patrons. Oh, the life of the anonymous blogger!)