(2 out of 5 hot dogs)

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Artisanal Bistro
2 Park Avenue (at 32nd St.)
Time: Saturday and Sundays, 10:30 to 4:45
Price: Prix Fixe, $24.50
Accompanying wine, $13.50
Little piece of cheese, A Billion Dollars

At this fancy bistro, I ordered the Prix Fixe, which can be roughly translated from French to mean “pretentious brunch special that doesn’t taste very good.” For hors d’oeurves, I had a basket of gougeres, which is an oily cheese pastry that was almost as satisfying as the $1.99 cheese fries at the Harlem Chicken Palace on my block. For my Plat Principaux I ordered the sautéed skate wing, which was so greasy it skated right through my GI Tract and into the nearest waste receptacle. For dessert I had the baba au rhum, which was a small piece of cake in a puddle of rum. Don’t get me wrong, I like rum as much as the next sex-starved sailor, but it was foul. Maybe they were trying to get me liquored up so that I would think that I actually enjoyed this meal. CELEB ALERT! CELEB ALERT! I was dining with my Puerto Rican friends, and they recognized the Puerto Rican Secretary of State sitting at the table next to us. I would have taken a picture, but I was too nervous/ ill.